Making Father's Day resolutions

In honor of Father's Day, we've asked one of our favorite dads, GreatSchools' Product Manager Chris Kiuchi, to share why this Hallmark holiday resonates.

By Chris Kiuchi, guest blogger

Dear August and Ellis,

As your mom knows, I’ve never been one to make or stick with New Year’s resolutions – they just seem silly. But not so with being a good father – that is something significant, something I want to constantly improve. So I'm taking this Father's Day to make a parenting resolution.

Here's why: You have both filled my life with energy, laughter, creativity, and happiness. Thanks to you, I have a deeper (and consequently more conflicted) understanding of myself. Thank you for keeping me on my toes. Since your arrival, my life – and your mother’s life – is so much more complicated and tiring, but infinitely more meaningful. We are both out-of-control-in-love with you guys. In our eyes, you are the smartest, funniest, most beautiful boys in the world. Actually, I only hedged out of faux-humility: I’m pretty sure it’s true.

August - At four years old, it is obvious you are a storyteller. I promise to hang on your every word. Indulge in your curiousness. There is perfection in your process. You have a brilliant mind that is already full of interesting stuff. I can’t wait to see what you create.

Ellis - our darling baby. You have completed our family and fulfilled our dreams. Your verve for life is infectious. It makes me want to live forever. Your kindness and sense of empathy at two years of age surprises me every day. I can’t wait till you can tell me everything that is on your mind.

I’m looking forward to this Sunday. I hope I get a very traditional Father’s Day gift like a #1 Dad mug or a tie. I will parade it around at work on Monday boasting to anyone who asks how special you made me feel.

But I know Father’s Day isn’t just for me, and I have a something for you as well: a promise. I vow to make Father’s Day resolutions to work on my fathering every year. Being your dad means that my life is no longer just mine. I am yours. My happiness is your happiness, and my health is your health. This year, I promise to take care of my happiness and health in order to better preserve yours. This is my Father’s Day resolution.

Love,
Dad

To all the dads out there:  Do you have any Father's Day resolutions? We'd love to hear them.

 

Should schools share the wealth?

By Jessica Kelmon, Associate Editor

Last week the New York Times reported on the “public privates” – schools where parent groups like the PTA or PTO raise around $1M per year for their public schools. These schools, which are typically in higher-income neighborhoods and tend to yield top marks on state tests, have found shelter from the budget-cutting storm with parent fundraising shielding them from many of the painful cuts other public schools have been forced to make.

But it’s not just happening in Manhattan’s best neighborhoods. Parent fundraising groups are a force to be reckoned with in schools across the country. Last year, I wrote about three heavy-hitting parent groups in California: Orinda (where the Educational Foundation contributes $1M a year), Piedmont (where the Parent Club not only provides PE, but makes it an adventurer’s dream with lessons in rock climbing and bay kayaking), and Long Beach (where the Longfellow Legacy Foundation goes after deep pockets to keep tutoring and music programs alive).

It’s hard to argue with parents raising funds for their kids' education. Private-school educational consultant Emily Glickman was quoted in the New York Times article saying: “Many now have amenities that can compete with private school offerings.” Who doesn’t want that?

The rich-poor divide

The trouble is that while these more affluent public schools flourish, other public schools are enduring terrible cuts. In a column titled “Why Does Family Wealth Affect Learning?” published in American Educator (Spring 2012), Daniel T. Willingham does a nice job of sorting through the relevant research to determine why kids from lower socio-economic status (SES) families tend to do worse in school than middle class and affluent kids

“Research shows it’s not all about the money,” Willingham writes, but it is almost all indirectly related. He points out that SES kids live in a state of chronic stress that can be cognitively crippling as a result of issues like food insecurity, financial worries, high-crime neighborhoods, more crowded living conditions, and healthcare concerns. Willingham makes a case for countering the stress SES kids face with the creation of a "serene, joyful classroom," – which is exactly what the parent fundraisers at more prosperous public schools are trying to do for their kids. So it may not be all about the money, but certainly more money would help.

Should schools share the wealth?

Which raises the question: should these more affluent schools share the wealth? The Times article goes on to cite some of the pros and cons of forced sharing, such as not wanting to interfere with parents contributing to their own kids’ schools, it being harder to raise funds without control over how they’re spent, and creating government-funding formulas to remedy the inequities. The article does, however, mention that schools in Portland, OR, are required to share some of their bounty. (A share-the-wealth structure works for the NFL, too.)

How much does your school’s parent organization ask for each year? Would you give more, the same, or less if you knew that, say, 25 percent of the funds raised would go to a suffering school? If you child goes to a hard-hit school, would you welcome the funds from mandatory sharing?

Oh please….graduating from kindergarten?!

By Leslie Crawford, Senior Editor

How do I feel about my child's kindergarten "graduation"? (Hint: the ironic quotation marks are a signal that you might want to brace yourself for a rant and here it comes.)

People, this is kindergarten! When I was a kid, we didn’t have graduations. We were delirious if, as was the fabled tradition at Teller Elementary, no one beat us up on the last day of school when we trekked a mile home… in the snow. (OK, it was June and a four block walk. Details.) Putting on all that pomp and circumstance as if they were graduating from medical school is just one more example of how our "You did it!" ribbon-fetishizing society now rewards kids if they succeed in putting their shoes on in time for school.

The Grinch who stole kindergarten graduation

This pretty much sums up my Grinchy outlook this time last week when I it dawned on me that along with my son's eighth-grade graduation in two weeks, I was going to have to take off yet another day of work that – along with so many furlough days – chips away at precious family vacations. The kindergarten graduation ceremony is at 11:30 a.m., there is a picnic lunch afterwards, and then parents are told, "You're welcome to take your child home." Geesh.

Before someone hands me the Mommy Dearest 2012 Award, I'll come clean and confess that my heart grew three times that day when I stepped into the school auditorium that was filled to standing capacity by family members clutching video cameras and bouquets of flowers. The giant rainbow arc of balloons festooning the stage had transformed our dilapidated, plain Jane public school auditorium into a beautiful Broadway showgirl.

Mini-me college graduates

The kindergartners, sitting in the front two rows, looked like mini-me college grads: boys in jacket and tie and girls in Sunday best dresses - with plenty of light-up sneakers… and why don’t they make those for grown-ups?

I looked at my daughter who had been such a nervous wreck the night before because they were going to have to sing in public – terrifying for her – and she was beaming. “I’m so proud of you,” said one kindergarten teacher, before handing out diplomas as each young graduate marched saucily up on stage. “Now you’re first graders.”

Talk about a doh moment. Between the time I went to elementary school and now, some wise educators figured out that making a big deal of finishing the first year of real school sends a message to students that what they’ve done is important. It acknowledges that the effort they’ve put in to work and play with others, to read and write, add and subtract, is something to celebrate.

This rite-of-passage also gives them a chance, as any significant ceremony does, to take stock of their life and look forward to the next chapter. "I'm so excited to go into a number grade,” my friend Vicki’s son told her when he graduated from kindergarten. Figuratively, and literally, if they weren’t before, the kids are counting on school now.

Hey mom and dad: how’s your GPA?

By Jessica Kelmon, Associate Editor

You teach your kids to work hard in school and respect the teacher – but what if the tables were turned and that highly revered educator started grading you?

Welcome to parent report cards, a proposed pilot program at two struggling schools in Tennessee. It’s a novel idea, and I’m guessing a small part of teachers the world over consider it long overdue. In fact, it probably is.

Tennessee wants parents to grade themselves

But it’s not just an innovative school program, it’s the subject of a state bill that just passed the Tennessee State Legislature and the state’s governor is reportedly inclined to sign. If passed, parents would get a report card to evaluate themselves when they get their child’s report card. So teachers wouldn’t actually grade parents – but parents would grade themselves on how they’re supporting their children’s education at home (stuff like reviewing homework, communicating with the teacher, and attending school conferences) on an E to U (E=excellent, S=satisfactory, N=needs improvement, U=unsatisfactory) basis.

This is the state’s second major attempt to increase parental involvement in public education. Tennessee has already passed a parental contract which will go into effect next year. It allows schools to give parents contracts specifying how they should support their children's education. 

Schools can’t do it alone

If it passes and succeeds, the four-year pilot report card program could be expanded to more (maybe all) schools. Both the contract and the report card programs are more about raising awareness than censuring parents – there’s no real bite. Signing the contract is voluntary and there’s no penalty for failing to uphold it. Even if parents give themselves straight U’s, such “failure” has no external repercussions.

The point, however, is important – and one the legislature is trying to drive home: when parents get involved, kids are more successful at school – with better grades, better staying power, and a better chance of attending college. 

If your school sent home such a contract, would you sign it? If you had to grade yourself right now on reviewing your child’s homework each night and attending school meetings, would you get an E or U? You can tell me – I won’t judge. In fact, no one should; the point is to get us thinking.

Would you borrow money for private school?

By Jessica Kelmon, Associate Editor

Last month I wrote about the student loan crisis contributing to a higher education bubble. While college and graduate school loans have been making headlines, there’s a much less talked about trend in student loans: parents borrowing money to send their kids to private school - starting in preschool.

In her Washington Post column titled “Kindergarten Loans” last week, Michelle Singletary cites a Smartmoney.com article about the rising rates of families – some with six-figure incomes – borrowing money to cover tuition way before college. The trend is disturbing because families are sacrificing financial stability to ensure a quality education (which, ideally, would be free if they felt their children’s needs could be met at public school), but not surprising, given that many families are still recovering (and hurting) from the recession but unwilling to sacrifice their children’s education and future. So perhaps families decide to borrow for a year or two – or four – just till things get a little easier. Sounds reasonable enough.

But there’s another risk to consider, as the New York Times reported this week: once you’ve committed to private school, you’re on the hook for tuition – even if your financial circumstances change. As Jenny Anderson reported, at least five tony private schools in Manhattan have sued families for tuition even if, for example, the parents withdrew their kids before school started, or have been an active part of the school’s community for years, or if the school could still fill that child’s spot.

Since 2008, I’ve read no end of blogs, comments, and community posts about borrowing to make ends meet – some sentiments that stood out spoke of the preschool years being particularly expensive, pay cuts being temporary, and college being a necessity (not a luxury) – and many made compelling arguments for borrowing shrewdly in the name of education. I, too, have borrowed in the name of education, and full disclosure: despite the fact that I find the trend disturbing, I think a stimulating, social, and positive early learning environment in preschool is valuable for kids and if need be, I’ll borrow to pay for preschool, too.

My question for you, GreatSchools parents who value education, is this: Would you borrow for private school?

Are all our kids contestants in "The Hunger Games"?

Connie Matthiessen, Associate Editor

Many kids and adults I know blazed through the The Hunger Games and couldn't wait to see the movie, but I've avoided Suzanne Collins' series until now because everything I heard about it sounded so grim and violent.

Then, last week I ran into a friend who had just read the books and seen the movie because her son is obsessed with the series. We wondered together why these stories are so appealing to our kids, given the dark world they depict. Of course, kids like scary stories, and many beloved childrens' classics — from Alice in Wonderland to the Narnia series — are beloved in part because they are so frightening, but The Hunger Games takes the menace and violence to a whole new level.

My friend speculated that kids relate to Katniss and the other charaters in the book because they feel like those kids. "It's not conscious, of course, but they get, on some level, that the stakes in their world are high, and the future is dangerous," she said.

Writer and cartoonist Bruce Handy expressed a similar idea in a recent comic in The New York Times. Poking fun at parenting obsessions in two recent books, Amy Chua's Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and Pamela Druckerman's Bringing Up Bebé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting, Handy introduced "The Hunger Games Mother." Who is this parent? "The Hunger Games Mother" devises fatal punishments for the child who doesn't practice her instrument long enough, coaches her child to eliminate (literally) other children competing for top academic spots, and sicks "muttations" (vicious dog-like creatures) on the child who receives a mediocre grade. She even dictates her child's friendships, since the wrong friends could force the child to "pay the ultimate price: enrollment in a safety school." Handy observes, "Who better to help parents navigate the brutal, futuristic dystopia that is contemporary childhood?"

Handy's comic is funny, but it hits uncomfortably close to home. Most parents these days are putting pressure on their kids to do well, get into the best high school, pursue a million activities, and earn high grades because college is competitive, paying for college is competitive, and getting a job after college is more competitive still. Even if parents try to insulate their kids, pressure and stress are part of the current zeitgeist, and our kids can't help picking it up. For every person who has struggled through the recent recession, the lesson is clear and it's hard not to pass on: it's a tough, unforgiving world out there, and not everyone is going to make it.

I'm not sure what the answer is: the pressure parents feel is real, but so is our children's need to enjoy their brief childhoods. I'm trying to find a balance between encouraging my kids to do their best, and creating interludes of careless, childish fun — late nights with friends, afternoons wandering the city, a splurge at the ice cream store, a spontaneous trip to the beach.  If you ask them, my kids will likely tell you I haven't achieved that balance yet (too many sleepless nights with visions of financial aid forms dancing in my head) but I'm trying.

I'd love to hear how it's going at your house.

Two fun family activities for financial literacy month

By Jessica Kelmon, Associate Editor

There’s a lot of talk about increasing kids’ financial savvy, but it’s not always clear where to begin. For young kids, teaching about coin value and using math skills to count change is a simple, straightforward start. But for older kids, it can be hard to determine what to talk about without crossing a line: you don’t want your children to worry about the mortgage, for example, or to be overly concerned with family finances, but you do want to instill values and build a sense of awareness.  

So I was happy to see these two money-related activities on Parent Further, a nonprofit that researches and reports on parenting issues. They have excellent information, and these two activities are a perfect example. Both of these activities can be done with kids ages six to 18 and both are interactive, so they’ll spark family discussion.

First: 10 minute Taste Test
The idea is to pick four foods your family likes and buys often. Then head to the store to buy two versions of each item – generic and branded mac & cheese, say, or beef and tofu hot dogs. When you get home, do a blind tasting to see if you can tell the difference. In this tasting, you’ll keep track of the relative prices and maybe read the labels to compare the nutrition content. It’s a lesson in shopping, reading labels, and keeping track of prices all wrapped into one fun family activity.

Second: Points for life!
Worried that your teen is overvaluing designer jeans and the coolest socks? Here’s a way to have a family discussion about relative values – and give your child (of any age) a reality check. The idea is that everyone gets 1,000 points to “spend” on what matters most to them individually – and the options range from toys and shopping to family time and creative pursuits (like drawing, painting, acting, and dancing). There’s the math and budgeting practice (the allocations must add up to 1,000) to start, but the big payoff is the chance to better understand and appreciate what appeals to each member of your family. You can read more about the activity here, and download the 1,000 points page here.

What do you think: are these activities doable in your household?

A mom fights obesity at home: would you do the same?

By Jessica Kelmon, Associate Editor

It starts as a rather common tale: woman grows up yo-yo dieting, bouncing up and down in weight and between mass-marketed diets throughout her teens, college, and early adulthood. When she has a daughter, she’s terrified that poor body image and high BMI will haunt the child like an evil legacy. And by the time the little girl turns 6, her fears are confirmed: her daughter has a weight problem.

Last fall, I wrote about a new study that revealed that many parents find talking about weight with their kids more embarrassing and frightening  than talking about sex or drugs. I also cited a stat that 37 percent of parents are worried that at least one of their children will be overweight. So I was interested to learn that the April 2012 issue of Vogue (not exactly known for promoting healthy body image, but bear with me), featured mother and writer Dara-Lynn Weiss’ story of fearing, acknowledging, and tackling her 7-year-old daughter Bea’s weight problem.

Before I saw the article, I read the reactions to it. True to form, the New York Magazine article responding to Weiss’ four-page confession was well written and compelling. After reading it I was convinced, as the anonymous writer put it, that “Weiss just handed her daughter a road map to all her future eating disorders.” I was persuaded, too, that the conclusion - “There's only one possible bright side to this maternal travesty: Years from now, when Bea is in therapy, she won't have to waste those early sessions explaining herself because she'll just be able to hand over that article and say, "SEE WHAT I HAD TO DEAL WITH?" - summed up the whole sad situation perfectly.

Other blogs and comments from BabyCenter to Jezebel make Weiss sound like a monster. “Call CPS!” one commenter proclaimed. Others lamented that adults always push their issues onto their kids.

But Weiss isn’t just projecting her own flaws. A child is “obese” if his or her BMI is in the 95^th percentile for their height and age – and Weiss' daughter was in the 99^th percentile. The child's doctor said the girl’s weight was a problem. Overweight kids face greater risk of debilitating health issues, like type 2 diabetes, and psychological issues, like depression and low self-esteem. One study Weiss cites found that 80 percent of kids who are overweight in adolescence remain heavy at age 25. And the kicker: “If a child becomes overweight before age eight,” Weiss writes, “his or her obesity in adulthood will be even more severe.”

Most parents want to do everything in their power to help their children live happy, healthy lives. We know the scary facts and stats about obesity – and we know that living with these challenges can hamper both health and happiness. Further, despite this article’s publication in Vogue (which typically covers only high-class “problems”), everyone from Congress to Michelle Obama is taking note of the childhood obesity epidemic and searching for solutions – some drastic. Just last year CPS intervened in a childhood obesity case – and removed an overweight child from his mother’s care. So what’s a parent to do?

Weiss is bruisingly honest about her efforts to help Bea lose weight. Sure, they saw a child obesity specialist weekly and followed a diet-for-kids regimen aimed at regulating Bea’s eating while teaching her about nutrition. But Weiss also candidly shares her public, heated responses to friends, family, and even strangers when they’ve offered Bea unaccounted-for treats, proffered Weiss unsolicited advice, or failed to provide nutritional info (in one example, Weiss angrily threw a Starbuck’s hot chocolate in the trash when a barista couldn’t tell her the exact calorie count). It has not been a happy journey, for mother or child. Weiss sounds unhinged at times – and admits her lack of perfection as a parent and as an eating/weight role model. But she also names the countless ways that parents don’t have control over their kids’ diets – especially at school, where a healthy snack of nuts is prohibited to protect allergic kids, but any number of birthday cupcakes, pizza parties, and school lunches with zero nutritional info are the norm.

I’ll admit it: I’m part of the 37 percent of adults worried that my kids will have weight problems. In fact, I think 37 percent is actually low. The more we learn about weight-related health problems (not to mention the acceptance of weight-related mocking, intolerance, and discrimination) and the inexorable memories of our fat cells, the more crucial it seems for kids to have healthy eating habits from the start. So I don’t think Weiss is a monster. I wish 7- and 8-year-olds didn’t have to worry about weight, but some do. After a year, Bea lost 16 pounds. Weiss has taught her child to think of her weight problem as a condition like asthma that she’ll have to deal with for life. It’s easy to judge - but if it were your child, what would you do?

Is your child’s school a threat to national security?

By Jessica Kelmon, Associate Editor

Positive news this week about incrementally higher graduation rates was put in harsh perspective yesterday when Condoleezza Rice named our failures in education as a threat to national security. Rice is part of a task force on education and national security that released a scary report about how ill-prepared our students are – and the threat it poses to our national standing.

Part of the problem is that we’re not producing high school grads who can fill crucial posts in our military. According to the task force’s report published this month, the Department of Defense estimates that 75 percent of American youth are ineligible to serve in the military because they didn't graduate from high school, are obese, or have criminal records. And, of those who do graduate and might be eligible for the military, almost a third can’t pass the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery test.

But the list goes on, and it’s not just that kids aren’t finishing school – it’s that they’re not learning enough even if they do:

• Only about 25% of U.S. students test proficient or better in civics.
• About eight out of ten Americans speak only English (and fewer and fewer schools teach foreign languages).
• A recent report by ACT found that only 22 percent of our high school students are "college ready" in all core subjects.

And, in case you’re thinking ‘well, it’s not my kid – my kid’s going to college’:

• Even among seniors headed to college, the College Board reported that only 43 percent meet college-ready standards.

No matter what your stance on the military and national defense, the uncomfortable reality is that this isn’t just about our armed forces, we need Americans to fill crucial roles in government, intelligence, and foreign service. To this end, former Secretary of State Rice told Charlie Rose yesterday, "national security is much broader than what you can do with your military forces - but of course, even there we are falling short." The report synopsis tidily touches on five areas where our education system is failing to prepare students in ways that affect national security, they are: economic growth and competitiveness, physical safety, intellectual property, U.S. global awareness, and U.S. unity and cohesion.

Obviously, this is a national issue, and better education funding and prioritizing education as a cultural value would be crucial steps in the right direction. The task force supports expanding the Common Core Standards to encompass more subjects than just English and math as an effort to standardize what kids are learning (and raise the learning curve). But if and when such reforms will be adopted is up in the air (and it's hard to be optimistic that they'll happen any time soon, given the current budget-cutting climate).

But we don't have to wait around and hope for the best. If language programs at our schools have been cut, for example, we can work with other parents to push for their reinstatement, or, if that doesn't work, look for affordable programs outside of school. We can teach civic awareness at home around the dinner table. And we can take advantage of museums, libraries, and daily teaching moments to get kids used to learning outside the classroom, too. What else can parents do – right here, right now – to help their kids be educated, prepared, and competitive? What, if anything, are you doing?

GreatSchools investor and partner day

By Bill Jackson, CEO

Last Friday, we held our first-ever GreatSchools Investor and Partner Day in San Francisco. Thirty guests joined 10 of our staff members to explore ideas about how we can improve our services for parents. The conversation was wide-ranging and stimulating.

Some of the most interesting discussion focused on how we can better help parents and students explore school quality from different angles, including:

• How much diversity does a given school have and how might families who attend that school benefit from that diversity?
• What is the culture and climate of a given school? How do students and teachers treat each other?
• How can we help families and schools find their proper match? Some schools are good for a certain type of child but not so good for other types. How can we help families understand these kinds of subtleties?

The guests shared their personal experiences and professional insights and challenged us to "raise the bar" and provide more and more value to parents.

Happily, with the support of the Walton Family Foundation, we are busy tackling these and other similar challenges. We took an important step this past week with the release of our Official School Profile, a new way for school principals to share in-depth information about the programs and culture at their school (see examples here and here). Stay tuned for many more announcements before the year is out.

What do you think are the top school information opportunities and challenges GreatSchools should work on? How would you like to see our school profiles improve? I look forward to hearing your thoughts.